I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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