I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Randomize
