my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
They have beer where we have blood.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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