me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
it's like heaven, but drunker
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
