she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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