Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
