What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I am spending my child support on dildos
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize