We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
