If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
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I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
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Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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