White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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