Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
