Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
