Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
They are going to name an STD after you.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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