She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
