Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
