he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
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