you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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