Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i will never coherently bang her
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
