i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
