She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
