Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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