I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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