Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
