so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
