end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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