guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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