How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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