Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
