So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
