i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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