Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
