You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
