I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Holy sore nipples Batman
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
