Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
honey bunches of taint.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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