Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
