i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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