why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Randomize
