Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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