well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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