i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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