I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
