Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
