I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
