at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
