dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
