I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
