I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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