did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
