so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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