I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
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