So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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