she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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