Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
