Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
