But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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