when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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