I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
