Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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