Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
