Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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