If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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