Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
