I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
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