Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
