He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
