Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
