Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
