She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
